Well, this blog is here for me to show my progression through the course and to highlight the difficulties I may face. So to be honest, today was a bit of a slap in the face, a kick in the teeth, call it what you will, I'm very worried. The interim crit was a disaster for me as I have not been able to complete enough of the work to pin up.
Working through the Christmas break was a constant battle with my baby son being very ill for two weeks during which time.....of course, my wife and I were struck with the same bug. It's not an excuse, but more of a reality check. The little time I have been able to achieve any work has been set aside for the History and Philosophy notebooks. That was also due in today, so unfortunately it had to take priority. Time management, time management I here the lecturers say! Well I'd like to think I was doing alright on that issue until now. I have prioritised different modules, different projects, but sometimes things really don't go to plan.
So I left today without anything apart from being over emotional and thinking I might as well chuck it all in. I'm exhausted, frustrated and so disappointed with myself.
So do I pack it all in?
Well, I could. I could go back to my old career of photography; back to something I know. But I had become to hate that career hadn't I? The competition was high and the work was difficult to get. Didn't I say I wanted to do something that would 'change peoples lives'?
I think with all the stresses and pressures of doing a course like this; learning new skills.....realising the skills you thought you had don't exist, you start to forget what it's all about. I'm not some kid doing any old degree at the age of 20, just so I can get a job in something completely different afterwards. I chose to do this course because I wanted to become great at something that inspires me, that excites me and that hopefully I can be proud of.
So.....god damn it....you'll have to put up with me a little longer! I just have to rise to the occassion, what ever that means.
What was I barking on about at the start of this course......."POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE"! That and alcohol and maybe a little bit more of the confidence that my New Years resolution promised. Oh...and maybe designing things with straight lines...... they're much easier to draw!
I therefore set myself a goal of completing each day for the rest of the week with a blog update of my progression and development. Lets hope it is enough to complete everything for Monday......No, no...I will finish everything for Monday and it will be great!
Hi Paul, your sketches are really beautiful! I just wanted to say your posts read like the thoughts whirring through my mind, so you are not alone. I have the same moments of "why on earth am I doing this when I can go back to a job I know and was good at??" rather than, like you say, try and put together work at the same time you are having to work out how to do it, which is quite soul-destroying at times. But we will get there. You have the talent, so I hope you feel confident today and good luck!
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